Guilt (definitely an "a-ha" moment for me!)

Last week I talked about how I started going back to church.  One of the reasons that I quit going for so long was because of the guilt that it made me feel whenever I did anything wrong.  Of course NOW I realize that it was God calling me back, trying to get me to do the right thing, but at the time part of me just wanted to let go and be able to do my own thing. 

It was a little more than that too.  I worry a lot, so when I feel guilty about something, it is a feeling that consumes me for hours or days or even longer.  Add to that a feeling of "I'm never going to be good enough anyway" and all I wanted to do was give up. 

I have always been a perfectionist.  That doesn't mean that I think I'm perfect by any means, but I always feel pressure to do everything right.  But God knows that we are not perfect, that's why we need Him!

"Finally, I confessed all my sins to you
      and stopped trying to hide my guilt.
   I said to myself, “I will confess my rebellion to the Lord.”
      And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone." --Psalm 32:5

God wants us to do the right thing, but he doesn't expect us to be able to do the right thing every single time!  If we confess our sins, we have no need to feel guilty! 

Another reason I stayed away was because of all of the hypocrisy I witnessed in the church I grew up in.  Watching people teach about loving others, only to turn around and ignore new people when they came through the church doors or complain because new people sat in "their" pew.  It made me sick.  But I've realized that I have used their sins as an excuse not to do what I should have been doing all along.  If I only wanted to go to church with people who are perfect, then I would never find I church that I liked! I have to remember that I not only have to forgive myself but to forgive others too. 

Now why did it take me so long to figure that out?