The Silent Ranks

To say that being a military wife is tough is a gross understatement.

Right now we're getting prepared for another deployment. No, I can't tell you when he is leaving, all I can say is that it is too soon for me.  Granted, 5 years from now would be too soon for me.

This part is hard, almost as hard as the deployment itself.  We have to make sure everything is done, that all the paperwork is in place in case of an emergency, Power of Attorneys and Wills are filed and copied. We have to make sure his seabag is packed, and that I've bought enough supplies to last him for the whole time he is gone.

But the hard part is not preparing the things we will need, it's preparing my heart to watch him go. Trying to gather the courage as I realize that everything that needs to be done in the next few months will fall on my shoulders.  There's a reason military wives are called the silent ranks.  We may not be the ones on the ship, the ones in the war zones, but we ARE the ones keeping everything together back home, while dealing with the loneliness and worry that sometimes hits with a suffocating force. 

When we attended pre-deployment night,  they gave us a packet of info and a list of things that we might feel before, during, and after the deployment.  Resentment is listed in the before category.  And I have to admit, I do feel that sometimes.  It is hard when he is working so long, when I expect him to be home by 5 and he doesn't get there until long after Jackson is asleep.  It's hard when I plan things for us to do together for a day that he is off and then he finds out he has to work that day.  It's hard not to think, "I'm going to be doing this all by myself for the next few months, the least you could do is come home on time and play with your child!"

But I try not to complain (and if you know me, you KNOW that shutting my mouth when I feel something is VERY hard for me to do) because I know it's not his fault.  When the Navy says "jump," you fucking jump, no questions asked.  That's just the way it is.  And I know that complaining will just make it harder on my husband, so it's not fair for me to vent to him about it. (That's why I have this blog!)

I guess I'm doing pretty well in that area, because the other night Jason said to me, "I'm glad you're not one of those bitchy wives.  A lot of guys are getting yelled at by their wives all the time for having to work so much." I'm glad that I'm not too, but I can definitely see where they are coming from.  Even if I'm not expressing it to him by yelling, I still feel it. 

Today is Military Spouse Appreciation Day.  If you have a friend who is a military spouse, please say some kind words to her today.  If her husband is deployed, check out this list of 10 Simple Ways to help a Military Spouse during Deployment.  And if you have a chance, please go check out this amazing post by the Crazy Submarine Lady. Everything that she writes is so, so true for us.