Breaking Barriers (with progress pics. and GASP! my real weight)

When I came home from the hospital with Jackson, I only weighed 175 pounds.

I say only because the morning that I was induced, I weighed around 200, and losing 25 pounds in 2 days? Awesome. Especially since all of the pregnancy books/websites said that I shouldn't expect to lose much more than however much the baby weighed, and even though Jackson was a big baby, he wasn't that big.

Unfortunately, even after I stopped breast feeding, I still ate like I was pregnant.  And when I wasn't paying attention, when I was laying around all day in PJ's, dealing with a colicky baby that refused to sleep more than an hour at a time and a husband who was working a schedule that ensured he was rarely around to help, the weight started piling back on.

I tried to get it off, I really did.  But nothing that I did worked.  I'm sure some of it was still my hormones just being off balance, but mostly it was because I wasn't doing things right. I took diet pills, tried fad/crash diets, or  I used exercising as an excuse to eat more.  I did this off and on for the last year. Every time I lost a few pounds, but whenever I got down to the 170 mark, whether it was after I had lost 3 pounds or 10, the weight loss slowed down. So I would give up, go back to normal, and inevitably gain even more weight.  It was like an invisible barrier for me, like my body wanted to weigh that much.


In January, I made a real New Years resolution for the first time in my entire life: to lose 30 pounds this year.  I was SICK of the way that I felt, SICK of the way that I looked.  More importantly, I made the decision to do it right.  No diet pills, healthy eating, moderate exercise. Now its May, and I have surprised myself with my dedication.  If you don't really know me, you don't understand. In general, I have NO self-control and no willpower to speak of.  I have a sweet tooth the size of Texas.  Oh yeah, and I really HATE to exercise.

 I had to make that resolution, and I had to stick with it, because at that point I weighed 188 pounds. (Yes I AM cringing as I write that).  I was thisclose to having an obese BMI.  Not "just" overweight, but OBESE.  (I was something like 0.03 away) As in, at the rate I'm going someone is going to have to tear off the roof and airlift me from the couch to the hospital at some point in the future.

As I said on Friday, I've lost 23 pounds so far.  I got nervous when I got to the 170 mark, but I wouldn't let myself give up. Maybe it only existed in my mind, but when I got to that barrier, I pushed my body as hard as I could.  I refused to give up and backtrack on all of the progress that I had made.  I now weigh 165. 

That is a big loss to me, almost 13% of my body weight, and the most that I have ever been able to lose.  But I'm not done.  I've proven to myself that I CAN do this, even when it's tough.  This is the year that I take control of myself, that I lose the weight and become a healthier person, for myself and for my family.

Now I don't have an "official" before picture (I've deleted almost all full body shots of myself for the last 2 years), but I'll share this one from Christmas, as embarrassing as it is: 

 BEFORE: 188 (DEC 2009) (I know, I know, gross right?)

CURRENT: 165 (April 2010)

Sorry about the picture quality and the fake smile :)

Now I know that I'm not exactly skinny (far from it), but I have lost a lot of fat around my face and stomach (which are the two places that bothered me the most) and I have lost inches from my arms, legs, and back as well.  And I can't help but say that I am proud of myself!