Bad decisions & How to stay out of jail

The other day a friend & I were gossiping discussing another friend of ours who is making a series of bad decisions.

Jason says, " Are you guys going to try to stop her, or are you just going to let her go through with this so that you can have something to laugh at?"

I'd like to point out that at this point, this girl is living in delusion world and there is no reasoning with her. We're not just being mean, it's impossible.

On finding out a guy we knew in high school got busted for drugs but stayed out of jail by selling his best friend out to the cops.

Jason: I would do that.
Me: You would sell out your best friend to stay out of jail? When you KNEW you were doing something wrong?
Jason: Baby, I would sell YOU out. I'm too pretty to go to jail.

Remind me never to do anything illegal in front of Jason.

Shiny Happy People

I know I've done this one before, probably more than once, but it never hurts to sit down & think of reasons to be happy! So I'm doing it again :)

I’ve been Tagged by: Night Owl Mama and Brandi @ Life of a Small Town Girl

So here are my tag rules:

* List Six Unimportant Things That Make You Happy.

* Mention and link to the person who tagged you.

* Tag six of your favorite bloggers to play along, and comment on their blog to let them know they’ve been tagged.

Things that make me happy:

1. Jason has gotten off work 3-4 hours early every day this week

2. Morning walks with Jackson

3. That I've gotten to go to the gym almost every day this week

4. That the sun is finally shining after too many rainy days

5. pretty pink pedicured toes

6. Texts From Last Night && Awkward Family Photos

I tag:

Jamie

Matt

Kelly's Krazy Kids

Stephanie from Baseballs & Tutus

Mandy at Life's About a Dream

Mama Michie

TMI Thursday: Girls don't poop

Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, "how many readers can I estrange THIS week??" TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else's!

I have a few girl friends who are perfectly at ease letting out ginormous belches and farts in public, and talking to anyone who will listen about their IBS and all of the diarrhea that comes with it. I even have one friend that, well, it seems like every single time I talk to him over the phone he is either trying to find a place to take a dump (his fear of public bathrooms makes this ridiculously hard), IS actually taking a dump, or feels the need to tell me about the crap he just took before he called me.

Me? Not so much. But it is TMI Thursday, so I have a story for you.

Another Navy wife recently told me that her husband once took a dump so massive while he was at work, that he felt the need to take a picture of it on his phone and send it to her. She thought it was funny.

Jason & I are so NOT that couple.

A few nights ago, I pooped. There, I said it, I took a dump. It wasn't massive or monumental in any way. I didn't think anything about it.

A little while later I saw my husband go into the bathroom, flush the toilet, and come right back out. A few minutes later, he did the same thing again. The third time he went in, he came out and said, "There's a problem in there, I need you to go fix it."

I went into the bathroom, thinking that I must have clogged the toilet or something, but instead all I found was a tiny floater. I flushed the toilet and it was gone.

I came out & Jason was standing there. This is the conversation that ensued:

J: "Did you fix it?"
Me: "I flushed the toilet, yes."
J: "So it's gone?"
Me: "Yes baby, was it really that big of a deal?"
J: "Well, I tried to fix it myself but, it's just really hard to do that and pretend that it wasn't yours. Because, you know, you're a girl. And girls don't poop."

Sometimes it's really hard to believe he's 25, not 12.

WW: The Zoo

Saturday wasn't supposed to be rainy, so we headed down to the zoo in Jacksonville. We went ahead and bought a year membership so we can go whenever we want for free (have I mentioned we love the zoo?) Anyway, the zoo is pretty big and it looks like it has a lot of neat things. We only saw maybe half of the animals before it started raining and we had to leave. I already can't wait to go back!

Look mom! A monkey!

He's getting away!

Thinking about it...

going...going...

and he's gone...

Right after this, he crawled all the way down the sidewalk!

TMI Thursday: Shower sex gone wrong

Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, "how many readers can I estrange THIS week??" TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else's!

For two years, Jason & I went to separate colleges before he finally wised up and transferred to Auburn. It was really hard on us our freshman year, when we were still in that stage where we were completely infatuated with each other. One weekend, his roommates were out of town and I planned a trip down there to see him. We had the perfect weekend planned: we were going to do nothing but lay around and have sex.

I got there on Friday afternoon and things were going well. We had already gone a few rounds when we decided we both needed showers. We had never showered together before (this was probably the first weekend we had spent together since we had moved away from home), so we decided we should. After he was all squeaky clean, we decided to switch places so that I could wash my hair. As we were trying to get around each other, I slipped.

I fell, bringing the shower curtain down with me. I hit my head on the toilet and bit into the insides of my cheeks so hard that I literally had holes in them. Blood was rushing out of my mouth and my head immediately started pounding.

Needless to say, we never got to the shower sex, and I spent the entire rest of the weekend laying in bed with a massive headache, doing a completely different kind of moaning than I had planned.

Check out my other TMI post this week: Skinny Dipping

WW: Bad parenting

Someone sent me an email with this picture in it yesterday...it cracked me up!

Skinny Dipping

After my freshman year of college, I moved home for the summer. I live in a very, very small town where there are only 3 other people my age, 2 guys (A & B) and another girl (P). A has an uncle who has a pool, and since there is absolutely nothing to do in that town, we spent a lot of time over there.

One day we were at the pool and, as usual, the couple who actually owned the house were at work. For some reason, we got the brilliant idea that we should go skinny dipping. Well actually I think B had that brilliant idea and I thought it would be fun. A & P thought we were crazy. So I took off my top & B took off his bottoms, and we swam freely and had fun trying to freak A & P out and B kept complimenting me on having "the perkiest big boobs" he had ever seen. (Sorry I just had to throw that in there because damn I would love to have those perky girls back.)

Well at some point we got bored with all this and started daring each other to jump off the diving board without our swimsuits on. I should stop here and point out that we were very visible from the highway and it was the middle of the day. If anyone had driven by they definitely would have seen us.

Eventually we put our clothes on and decided to leave. As we were leaving, we noticed an extra car in the driveway. We kinda started freaking out because none of us had noticed anyone come home but A pointed out that if his aunt or uncle had come home then they would have come out to say hey and that car had probably just been there the whole time (I think this family had an extra vehicle or two. or maybe we were just trying to make ourselves feel better, I don't know).

Later I find out that not only was A's uncle home, but he was apparently watching us the entire time. And since this is a small town, not only do I know him, but I had to see him at church every Sunday for the rest of the summer (and every other time I visited home). It wouldn't have even been so bad to know that he had seen us, but the fact that he was going around telling people (including my Sunday school teacher) how great my boobs were. This probably would have been a great compliment had it not been coming from a CREEPY OLD MAN.

After that, I wised up and the rest of my skinny dipping adventures have taken place in the dark, and far away from that town.

Friend Making Monday

Today's task: Copy and paste these questions to your blog and give them your own answers.

You wouldn't be caught dead where?: A sewer. I know that probably sounds like the most random answer ever but tonight my husband was reading online about how much money sewer inspectors make and I feel like it makes sense that they would make a lot of money because the odds of catching a disease or getting bitten by a rat (my worst fear) are both pretty high. His only response was, "but they wear waders." I just don't think that's enough protection.

Do you have any hidden talents?: I can blow bubbles off of my tongue. Surprisingly, I have never met anyone else who could do this, though a lot of people have tried.

Name two things you consider yourself to be very good at: baking, learning (I know that probably sounds lame but it's late and I can't think of anything else I can pretty much learn/memorize anything about anything as long as I'm at least a little bit interested in it.

Name two things you consider yourself to be very bad at: dieting, anything that involves willpower/self-control

Have you ever won a trophy?: yes for softball but I'm pretty sure they were the participation trophies that they give out to everyone

Name one thing not many people know about you: I have some anxiety issues. Especially when it comes to new social situations, that's why sometimes people who first meet me think I'm bitchy or stuck-up but I'm really just shy and awkward LOL. That's also why alcohol was a lifesaver in college...

Name your earliest memory: Most of my early memories are not very good ones. The earliest one that I can think of is my mom telling me her & my dad were getting a divorce. I think I was barely 5.

What was your favorite musical group in jr. high?: I don't really remember (I was anti-boyband) but I do remember loving Ace of Base in middle school

What was something the worst roommate you ever had did?: I had a horrible roommate my freshman year of college and had to share a dorm room with her. Her biggest mistake was immediately pissing off the RA in our building, which made both of our lives a living hell. (Especially mine because HELLO! I didn't like the girl any more than the RA did!) But the worst thing was probably when she let her boyfriend come up to the room early one morning (and then she, for some reason, left), before visiting hours had started. I had no idea he was there because I was in the shower, but the RA knew he was there, and she got into a huge argument with him while I was standing in my towel in the bathroom freezing my ass off. She actually ended up having a security bust into our room and escort the guy out of the building and ban him from the building even during visiting hours, which was actually great because he was a huge asshole and she ended up moving out shortly thereafter so I had the room to myself.

When you were a kid what did you want to be when you grew up?: A writer.

What was your worst dating experience?: I can't really think of anything too horrible but I was telling a friend of mine the other day about this guy I dated in middle school. I went to his house one day and he was basically telling me how cool he was because he had alcohol. Turns out, he had warm beer in an old Gatorade bottle. It looked, smelled, and probably tasted like piss, so I was not impressed. (He later slept with my best friend on the floor of our Sunday school room at our church. He was a WINNER. let me tell ya).

If you were about to die what would your last meal be?: fried chicken, Nanny's homemade macaroni & cheese, sweet tea and chocolate cake

Who is the most important person in you life?: my son

If your house was on fire what 3 things would you grab on your way out?: Jackson, his scrapbook (I wouldn't be able to grab all of our scrapbooks without making multiple trips!), and my laptop (for all of the digital photos loaded on here). This is assuming Jason could get himself out of course. Everything else could be replaced.

Check out more Friend Making Monday posts.

Promise me you'll love me even when you hate me

I have been incredibly bored since I got to Georgia. I have enrolled Jackson in a Kindermusic class, we've been to Book Babies at the library every week, and I FINALLY found a playgroup to join though honestly they don't do very much. I just NEED to get out of the house every day you know? but there is hardly anything to do here. They don't even have a mall to just walk around in unless I want to drive an hour away. *sigh*

I didn't know that motherhood would involve cleaning baby poop out of the baby pool.

I didn't know that my "wifely duties" would include giving Jason a vinegar sponge bath because he decided to spend 5 hours in the hot sun without wearing any sunscreen. Have you SEEN how pale we are?

I just made a Better Than Sex chocolate cake. I can't believe I have never made one before because it is AMAZING.

The LOST season finale was freaking insane. I loved every minute of it. It was confusing and shocking and just plain good. I love that show and can't believe there is only one season left.

I have been making meal plans every week and pretty much sticking to them. I've cooked almost every single night since Jason came home. I'm proud of myself :)

This week I read the Harper Connelly series by Charlaine Harris. It's about a girl who got struck by lightning and now she can sense dead people. She can sense when dead people are near and she can find out their cause of death. It's a mystery series, and though the first two were a tad on the predictable side, the third one (An Ice Cold Grave) was really really good and she is set to come out with a new one for the series later this year.

I'm waiting for True Blood Season 1 to arrive in the mail! I'm so excited :)

On Oprah today there was a house-trained hippo. I need one of these, seriously. I love hippos!

What have you been up to this week?

WW: Playing in the Pool

He really liked the pool, until he discovered the dirt outside of it...

Sunday linkage: Recipe edition

I haven't posted many recipes lately because most of the ones I have been using come out of the Biggest Loser Family cookbook. That is a great book with a lot of easy, healthy recipes that are actually GOOD (even my picky husband likes many of them). I definitely recommend it. But these are some recipes I have also been using on a regular basis.

Easy Fried Rice (This is Me, Consequently)
Crab Rangoon (This is Me, Consequently) - What can I say, we love our asian food :)
Chicken w/Bacon & Cheese (A Year of Crockpotting)
Quesadillas & Salad with Avocado Ranch Dressing (A Year in the Kitchen)--This dressing is especially good!! She has a ton of really healthy recipes on her site, too.

Do you have any recipes to share? Let me know and I will link to them too. They don't necessarily have to be healthy either :)

It's Almost Mother's Day

It's almost Mother's Day, and I hardly know what to do with myself. I've spent the last 15 years or so thinking of Mother's Day as a time to mourn over the loss of my mother. I've spent the last 5 years or so truly appreciating having a grandmother to take her place. I've already sent out the Mother's Day gifts and cards to all of the grandmothers and great-grandmothers in our family. And truthfully, I'm not expecting much recognition from my husband, based on last year's little disaster.

So what am I going to do on Mother's Day? I have no idea. But I am going to take some time to appreciate myself and all of the hard work I've done this past year. Even if I'm the only one in my household to recognize it.

What are you doing on Mother's Day? Is there any gift you're hoping to receive?

Appreciation

Today is Military Spouse Appreciation Day. I was going to write about it but Crazy Submarine Lady wrote such a wonderful post about it that I didn't even know what else to say, so please go check that out instead.

Fidgeting Gidget tagged me as a fellow Queen of All Things Awe-summm.

The rules: List seven things that make me awesome and then pass the award on to seven other people who I think are fabulously awesome.

I've written so many random/weird/true things about myself in the past, so I'm just going to write out 7 things that I think are awesome this week :)

1: Dead and Gone by Charlaine Harris (It came out Tuesday and I finished it Tuesday night. It was THAT awesome.)

2: Chocolate turtle chex mix

3: Tivo

4: The Office (Best quote from last night- Bob:"Do you mind if I steal my wife?" Dwight: "You can't steal what is legally your property.)

5: Jackson's swimming pool (pictures coming soon!)

6:My husband being home

7: My new video camera that my aunt & Nanny bought me for Mother's Day!

I'm passing this award on to:
Crazy Sub Lady
Baseballs & Tutus
Yo Mama
Muppet Soul
Nightowl Mama
Girl in the Glasses
A Box of Chocolates

TMI Thursday: The stanky leg

This one actually didn't happen to me, but it's just too funny not to share! Enjoy :)

Some friends of mine were staying in a hotel with their two kids, a 3 year old and a baby. They had a suite, so they put the kids to bed in the room, thinking they would have some "adult time" on the couch. Things heated up, and right when they were getting "into position" on the couch, their 3 year old daughter opened the door.

She sees what is going on and says, "Hey daddy, are you doing the stanky leg?"

For those of you that don't know, this is the stanky leg.

WW: Daddy's Home!

Would you Twitter in church?

I'm over at Deep South Moms today debating whether twittering in church is a good idea or just too distracting. Pop over there and leave your thoughts! Thanks.

What he wore...

to pick his dad up from the submarine. Yep, there's a submarine on his hat :)

This is my entry into the IHeartFaces photo challenge this week.